Giving Your Kids the Gift of Bilingualism

If you speak a second language, I highly recommend giving that gift to your children. My partner and I made the decision to raise our children bilingual in English and French, even though both of us parents are native English speakers. We opted for the One-Person-One-Language strategy (known as OPOL), where each parent interacts with the children exclusively in one language. We now have three fully bilingual children and no regrets.

There are many ways to successfully raise bilingual kids, and there is considerable ongoing research and debate about the best approach. No matter what method you choose, it does take commitment and (especially if they are not immersed in a bilingual environment outside the home) some serious self-discipline on the part of the parents. But once you get things on track, bilingual parenting can be a delightful adventure and a true gift that your kids will appreciate down the road.

Many people ask me:

  • Why did we make this choice?
  • How do you go about it?
  • What is the result?

Why did we make this choice?

My love of language led me to major in Linguistics as an undergrad, and that education in turn reinforced my appreciation for the multifaceted advantages of speaking more than one language. Extensive research shows that bilingual people tend to have significantly stronger skills in problem solving, concentration, empathy, multitasking and filtering out unnecessary information. Learning a second language is possible and beneficial at any age—and is associated with staving off age-related mental decline—but the human brain is especially adept at language learning before the age of five. Moreover, it is does not matter which language--any second language is great. Once a second language channel is open in a young child, the brain rearranges itself to better parse data, language and relationships, and this appears to pave the way to easier acquisition of additional tongues later in life. (See links at the bottom of this article for references.)

Knowing the benefits of bilingualism from childhood, I was keen to give this gift to my children. One problem though: both my partner and I were native English speakers. While I had learned other languages as a teenager and beyond, I was hesitant to speak something other than my mother tongue to my baby. Instead, I initially resolved simply to expose him to other languages by sometimes speaking or reading to him in French, German, Thai or Wolof. Meanwhile, I asked my many bilingual friends and colleagues about their upbringing. I found out that those who were the most comfortable in both of their languages had been raised by parents who applied OPOL.

How do you go about it?

1. Just try it for a time-bound period. Making the decision just to try it is the first step. My husband and I discussed the pros and cons of getting more serious about bilingual parenting and which language I should use with our kids. An important turning point for me was meeting a new friend who had applied OPOL with her own kids despite not being a native speaker herself; her eldest (then seven years old) was perfectly fluent and comfortable in both his languages. Despite the fact that the father did not understand the non-English language, their family had managed to make it work without stress. “Try speaking only French with the baby for a short time,” she said, “and see how it feels.”

    We set a two-week timeframe during which I committed to speaking and interacting with our then nine-month-old baby exclusively in French. We were living in the US at the time, and French was not spoken in our community, making it what linguists would term “the minority language”. At first it felt a little awkward to address my baby in French, and at the end of a long workday it sometimes felt like too much effort to maintain two separate languages (for example, managing dinner table conversation in English with my husband and French with my baby). At times I found myself lacking words I had never had occasion to learn, like “pacifier” or “baby wipes” or the “walrus” in one of his picture books (so I gave myself permission to substitute English when absolutely necessary to fill in vocabulary and tried always to look up the word for next time).

    The fact that my effort was time-limited helped me keep at it for our agreed 14 days. It also helped a lot to have a supportive partner who encouraged me to keep going when I felt overwhelmed and who was supportive in the logistics of making it work. At the end of our two-week trial period, we decided to commit to another two-week sprint. And then we upped it to a month. And soon, speaking any other language to my baby felt strange.

    2. Make it special. Building an authentic bond with your child in the language is the next step toward success. If you speak more than one language, you know that when you establish a relationship with someone in one language, it usually feels awkward to switch to another—even if you both speak the other one just as well. If you cultivate your relationship with your child in a language, then it simply becomes how the two of you communicate together. If the language is not widely spoken where you live, then you can make it your “special” language together, signifying your loving parent-child connection and coming in handy for those moments when a confidential exchange is needed.

      French became the language that signified and reinforced the special bond between my child and me, much the way an endearing nickname creates a cherished tie. As my children matured and evolved, I made a point of cultivating this special maternal-child connection through language. Once, when my eldest was around seven years old and had a friend over to play, I got tripped up and proposed to my son in English that he get the cookies out for a snack. He stopped in his tracks and stared at me in shock, “Are you asking me to get the cookies?” he replied almost tearfully in French. After all, we had our special language, and no friend was going to come between us.

      3. Consistency is key. The OPOL approach calls for complete consistency in who uses which language. Some studies indicate that this is important for minimizing confusion during the language acquisition process. Kids who are exposed to fluent streams of language that do not cross the border into the other language’s vocabulary or syntax seem to develop a faster and stronger grasp of each language. Mixing the languages (think: Franglais or Spanglish), puts an extra burden on the toddler who has to sort out which language is which and what words and structure belong where. This can potentially cause delays and insecurity in language production. Consistency also fosters clarity about which language to speak with whom.

        Before the age of three, each of my children had an uncanny ability to gauge which language to speak with whom (even strangers) and to switch languages seamlessly on a dime, depending on their interlocutor. As a result, if I said in French, “Go ask your Papa if he would like to go on a bike ride,” my child would go seamlessly translate the query to English, and vice versa. Some people have qualms about speaking a different language with their children when around people who do not understand. I do not make exceptions or apologies, but I do repeat the same thing in both languages as naturally as I can whenever possible. When my children were young, I tried not to refer to the languages at all, but simply to switch codes as relevant. People usually understand, and this practice reinforced my children capacity to switch according to their interlocutors.

        4. Make it a two-way street. One of the common pitfalls I have researched and observed is people who were extensively exposed to a second language as a child but were not required to express themselves in it. I have often met parents with a different native language who assume their kids will get some natural exposure along the way and can learn the other language later if they choose to. For example, the mother speaks Spanish to and around her children, but the kids reply to her in English (and she reacts). While of course this is better than nothing, it often seems to lead to a passive understanding of the language but lack of confidence in speaking.

          I decided to take the radical tack from the outset of “not understanding” if my children said something to me in English—that is, I looked at them blankly and asked in French for clarification. My kids quickly learned that addressing me in English did not work for communication, so using French was the most expedient way to get across what they wanted. If they expressed a comment or question to me in English, I did not react—it was almost as if I had not heard it. If their flow of language was in French but they just substituted a word in English, I would use French to encourage them to explain what they meant using other words until I appeared to have an “aha” moment and gave them the French word they were searching for. Learning how to use the words we do know to talk “around” the words we can’t find is a valuable cognitive skill in any language.

          Interestingly, each of my children was four years old before they realized that I spoke the dominant language in our community—English. Although they had regularly heard me speak English with their father, our friends and people in public their entire lives, it did not dawn on them until nearly Kindergarten age that in theory I should also be able understand and speak with them in English. “But wait, you understand and speak English with Papa!” they each voiced sometime in their fifth year. “True,” I would reply with an affectionate smile, “but not with you.”

          What is the result?

          After using the OPOL approach in our family, our three children (now ages nine, 13 and 16) are fully bilingual and seem to have a natural facility for learning additional languages. None of my children were delayed in their speech—a common concern that multiple studies of native bilingual children have debunked. In fact, our children produced both languages and developed extensive vocabularies at an earlier than average age.

          We had the fortunate opportunity to move to France when they were still young, which undoubtedly reinforced their bilingualism. Their preferred or stronger language has switched back and forth several times. One of them feels more attached to French, one feels more himself in English, and our youngest has already flipflopped on this repeatedly in his nine years. Recent research suggests that around 75% of children raised using the OPOL strategy become fully bilingual in both languages (see references section below).

          Tips for reinforcing bilingual upbringing

          • Sign language. We used “baby signs” with all three of our children between the ages of about 12 months and 36 months. I think that having the unifying language of signs was valuable in several ways. For example, signs enabled them to express themselves before they could formulate clear spoken words; and they must have noticed that both parents used the same sign for “milk” and “horse” even if the spoken words (in English and French) were different. Signs also helped clarify their listening and understanding. For instance, one day on a walk outside with my 14-month-old, I pointed out the trees, asking him in French if he saw “les arbres.” Searching for what I was indicating, with excitement in his eyes he made the sign for “lizard,” which is “lézard” in French and sounds similar to “les arbres”. “Oh! Not ‘lézard’ (lizard) I laughed, I am talking about ‘les arbres’ (the trees)!” Sign language thus helped us have a funny early conversation and clear up a misunderstanding that would otherwise have passed unnoticed.
          • Community. I did not want to be the sole French speaker in my children’s life (not least because my French is not perfect!), so I dug around for as many ways as possible to interact with others in the minority language. We rallied a little community comprised of other families who spoke French and organized weekly group gatherings at our homes and local parks. We joined our local French Alliance, visited their library, participated in their events and tried out some kids’ classes. For childcare, I sought out French speakers who would commit to using French exclusively with my kids. It was important to me that my kids get the message that while French was our special mother-child language, it was also spoken by many others. I wanted them to have friends with whom they had a relationship in French, and to hear me speaking it with other adults so they would be exposed to broader vocabulary and usage.
          • Multimedia. We have tried to integrate and normalize French speaking, reading and writing alongside English throughout our kids’ childhoods. When reading English language picture books to them as young children, I would challenge myself to translate on the fly. But we also invested in French music, books and magazine subscriptions—especially read-alongs that come with a CD that they could listen to as they followed the words on the page. We limited their screen-time toviewing to shows and movies set to the French language track. Together with our little group of French-speaking parents and their children, we organized fun group activities for learning to read and write in French—like scavenger hunts where, as a team, they had to make out written clues in French all along the way.
          • Siblings. When we lived in the US and other non-French-speaking countries, we encouraged our three children to speak French amongst themselves at home. Often, this was as easy as gently interjecting a question in French when we heard them playing in English together—they would seamlessly switch over to French and resume their conversation. As they got a little older, my husband and I had to be a bit more specific and insistent. It worked best when he, as the speaker of the dominant language, encouraged them to speak French with their siblings. Although they continue to use both languages together, when we moved to a French-speaking environment, their sibling language became English except when they are around French-speaking friends.


          References

          Here is a small selection of references, including some with different viewpoints. (Readers, I welcome your additional references—please feel free to leave them in the Comments section.)

          On the benefits of bilingualism:

          On One-Person-One-Language (OPOL):

          On using sign language with babies: